Active Listening

Active listening is a crucial skill in effective communication, fostering deeper connections, and truly understanding others.At QMAK, we recognize the importance of developing this skill from a young age.

On this page, we’ll explore the different levels of listening and provide tips on how to progress from one level to the next, ultimately achieving a state of transcendent listening.

UPDATE:  We’ve added a song to each level to assist you in teaching active listening to your children.

1. Ignoring

At this level, you are completely disregarding what the other person is saying, showing no attention or interest in the conversation. To move beyond this level, make a conscious effort to acknowledge the speaker’s presence and the fact that they are communicating with you.

TIP: Set aside distractions and make eye contact with the speaker to show that you are ready to listen.

For Parents

  • An Example of a Child demonstrating Level 1 Listening: A child is engrossed in playing with toys and doesn’t respond when a parent calls their name.
  • Notes on Age: Infants and toddlers may occasionally exhibit this behavior, but by age 3, most children should be able to respond to their name being called and acknowledge others’ presence.

Verse 1:
In the world of listening, there’s a journey to take
From ignoring to transcendence, for connection’s sake
At level one, we disregard, the words that are spoken
No attention or interest, the silence unbroken

Pre-Chorus:

But there’s a path to follow, to move beyond this stage
To acknowledge the speaker, and turn a new page
It starts with a choice, to be present and aware
To set aside distractions, and show that we care

Chorus:

Listen up, listen up, don’t let the words fade away
Listen up, listen up, there’s so much more to say
From self-absorbed to pre-occupied, and split attention too
Each level brings us closer, to a connection true

Verse 2:

For the little ones, it’s a skill they must learn
To respond to their name, and the presence they discern
By age three, they should know, how to acknowledge and show
That they’re ready to listen, and let the connection grow

(Pre-Chorus)


(Chorus)


Bridge:

From effortful to present, engaged and empathetic
Appreciative and transcendent, the journey’s poetic
Each step a chance to grow, in understanding and grace
To build a world of connection, in every time and place

(Chorus)

Outro:
So let’s break free from ignoring, and open our ears
To the words that are spoken, and the stories we hear
For in the end, it’s the connections we make
That bring us closer together, for humanity’s sake

2. Self-Absorbed

You may appear to be listening, but your focus is entirely on your own thoughts, memories, or inner dialogue. To progress from this level, practice redirecting your attention to the speaker and their words.

TIP: Take a deep breath and mentally set aside your own thoughts, focusing on the present moment and the person speaking to you.

For Parents

  • An Example of a Child demonstrating Level 2 Listening:  A child is thinking about their favorite cartoon character while a parent is trying to explain why they can’t have a cookie before dinner.
  • Notes on Age:  Children around age 4 may struggle with this, but by age 5-6, they should be able to focus more on the speaker’s words.

Verse 1:
Moving past ignoring, we take a step ahead
But self-absorbed listening, still fills our head
Our thoughts and memories, they take the lead
While the speaker’s words, we barely heed

Pre-Chorus:

It’s a challenge to redirect, our attention to the present
To set aside our inner world, and be truly present
But with practice and awareness, we can start to grow
From self-absorbed listening, to a deeper flow

Chorus:

Breathe in, breathe out, let go of your thoughts
Focus on the speaker, and the wisdom they’ve brought
It’s a journey of growth, from level two to three
Towards pre-occupied listening, and the insights we’ll see

Verse 2:
By age five or six, we start to understand
The importance of focusing, on the words at hand
But it takes time and effort, to truly master the art
Of listening with presence, and an open heart

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)


Bridge:

From split attention to effortful, and present listening too
Each level brings us closer, to a connection true
Empathy and appreciation, they guide us on our way
To transcendent listening, where boundaries fade away

(Chorus)

Outro:
So let’s keep practicing, the art of listening well
Moving past self-absorption, with stories we’ll tell
For in the end, it’s the connections we make
That bring us closer together, for humanity’s sake

3. Pre-Occupied

At this level, you are attempting to listen, but your mind is busy formulating a response, preventing you from fully comprehending the speaker’s message. To move forward, practice patience and resist the urge to interrupt or plan your reply.

TIP: Remind yourself that understanding the speaker’s perspective is more important than preparing your own response. Trust that the right words will come to you when it’s your turn to speak.

For Parents

  • An Example of a Child demonstrating Level 3 Listening: A child is thinking about what they want to say next while a friend is sharing a story about their day at school.
  • Notes on Age:  Children aged 6-8 may exhibit this behavior, but by age 9, they should be able to listen more patiently without constantly planning their response.

Verse 1:
From self-absorbed to pre-occupied, we’ve come so far
But the urge to respond, it’s like a guiding star
We listen to the words, but our minds are racing
Formulating replies, instead of embracing

Pre-Chorus:

The speaker’s perspective, it holds the key
To understanding deeply, to truly see
But we must resist, the temptation to interrupt
And trust that our words, will come when it’s abrupt

Chorus:

Patience is a virtue, in the art of listening
Pre-occupied we may be, but it’s a new beginning
From six to eight, this stage may persist
But by nine, we learn to resist

Verse 2:
Split attention awaits, at level four
Where our reactions and opinions, they start to soar
But let’s not get ahead, for now, we must focus
On the present moment, and the words that are spoken

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)

Bridge:

Effortful listening, present and engaged
Each level a stepping stone, on the path we’ve paved
Towards empathy and appreciation, we’ll strive
To reach transcendence, where connections thrive

(Chorus)


Outro:

So let’s keep practicing, the art of patience
In pre-occupied listening, and all its variations
For when we truly listen, without the need to reply
We open up a world, where understanding never dies

4. Split Attention

You are listening to some extent, but your attention is divided between the speaker’s words and your own internal reactions and opinions. To progress, work on quieting your inner dialogue and giving your full attention to the speaker.

TIP:  When you notice your mind wandering or forming opinions, gently redirect your focus back to the speaker’s words and body language.

For Parents

  • An Example of a Child demonstrating Level 4 Listening:  A child is listening to a teacher’s instructions but is also thinking about how they would rather be playing outside.
  • Notes on Age:  Children aged 8-10 may struggle with split attention, but by age 11, they should be able to focus more fully on the speaker.

Verse 1:
From pre-occupied to split attention, we’ve come so far
Listening to some extent, but our minds still wander
Internal reactions and opinions, they pull us away
From the speaker’s words, and the message they convey

Pre-Chorus:

To progress beyond this level, we must learn to quiet
The inner dialogue that keeps us from being fully present
Gently redirecting our focus, back to the speaker’s voice
And the body language that accompanies their choice

Chorus:

Split attention, a challenge we face
Between the ages of eight and ten, it’s a common place
But by eleven, we start to see
The importance of giving our full attention, to truly be

Verse 2:

Effortful listening awaits, at level five
Where boredom and distractions, they keep us barely alive
But with curiosity and interest, we can start to grow
Towards present listening, and the insights we’ll know

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)

Bridge:

From engaged to empathetic, appreciative and beyond
Each level a stepping stone, to a connection strong
Transcendent listening, the ultimate goal
Where boundaries dissolve, and we feel whole

(Chorus)


Outro:

So let’s keep practicing, the art of attention
In split listening, and all its dimensions
For when we fully focus, on the words that are said
We open up a world, where understanding is bred

5. Effortful Listening

You are listening, but it requires conscious effort due to boredom, disagreement, or distractions. To move beyond this level, cultivate a genuine curiosity about the speaker’s perspective and the topic at hand.

TIP:  Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this person?” and “How can I understand their point of view more deeply?” This shift in mindset can help you stay engaged.

For Parents

  • An Example of a Child demonstrating Level 5 Listening:  A child is trying to listen to a parent’s explanation of a complex topic but finds it challenging to stay focused.
  • Minimum Age:  Children aged 10-12 may experience effortful listening, but by age 13, they should be developing the skills to listen more effortlessly, even when the topic is challenging.

Verse 1:
From split attention to effortful listening, we progress
Conscious effort required, to manage the stress
Of boredom, disagreement, or distractions that persist
But with curiosity and interest, we can learn to resist

 Pre-Chorus:

To move beyond this level, we must cultivate
A genuine desire to understand, and appreciate
The speaker’s perspective, and the topic at hand
Asking ourselves, “What can I learn?” as we expand

Chorus:

Effortful listening, a challenge we face
Between the ages of ten and twelve, it’s a common place
But by thirteen, we start to see
The value of listening effortlessly, to truly be

 Verse 2:

Present listening awaits, at level six
Where our focus is full, and our attention transfixed
On the speaker’s words, tone, and expressions too
Paraphrasing and questioning, to understand what’s true

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)

Bridge:

From engaged to empathetic, appreciative and sublime
Each level a stepping stone, to connections that align
Transcendent listening, the peak of our ascent
Where boundaries fade, and our hearts are content

 (Chorus)

Outro:

So let’s keep practicing, the art of effortful listening
Cultivating curiosity, and the insights we’re missing
For when we truly listen, with an open mind and heart
We create a space for growth, and understanding to impart

6. Present Listening

At this level, you are fully present and attentive, focusing on the speaker’s words, tone, facial expressions, and overall meaning. To enhance your listening skills further, practice active listening techniques such as paraphrasing and asking clarifying questions.

TIP: Summarize the speaker’s main points in your own words to ensure you have understood them correctly, and ask open-ended questions to encourage elaboration.

For Parents

  • An Example of a Child demonstrating Level 6 Listening:  A child is listening intently to a grandparent’s story, focusing on the details and emotions conveyed.
  • Notes on Age:  By age 14, most children should be capable of present listening, though some may achieve this earlier.

Verse 1:
From effortful to present listening, we’ve come so far
Fully focused and attentive, like a shining star
The speaker’s words, tone, and expressions, we embrace
Striving to understand, the meaning and the grace

Pre-Chorus:

To enhance our skills, we practice with intent
Paraphrasing and questioning, to ensure we comprehend
Summarizing the main points, and asking for more
Encouraging elaboration, to explore the core

Chorus:

Present listening, a skill to master
By age fourteen, we’re ready to foster
Deeper connections, and understanding too
Through active listening, and the techniques we use

Verse 2:

Engaged listening beckons, at level seven
Where interest is high, and focus is heaven-sent
Connecting the speaker’s ideas, with our own experiences
Building upon the message, with our unique inferences

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)

Bridge:

From empathetic to appreciative, and transcendent too
Each level a stepping stone, to a connection true
Where patience, gratitude, and shared humanity
Dissolve the boundaries, and set our spirits free
(Chorus)

Outro:

So let’s keep practicing, the art of present listening
Fully focused and attentive, our hearts glistening
For when we truly listen, with presence and care
We create a bond that’s strong, and a love that’s rare

7. Engaged Listening

You are listening attentively with a high level of interest, and your focus is effortlessly directed toward the speaker. To deepen your engagement, look for opportunities to connect the speaker’s ideas with your own experiences or knowledge.

TIP: Share relevant stories or insights that build upon the speaker’s message, demonstrating your active participation in the conversation.

For Parents

  • An Example of a Child demonstrating Level 7 Listening:  A teenager is fully absorbed in a conversation with a mentor, eagerly learning from their experiences and insights.
  • Notes on Age:  By age 15-16, most teenagers should be capable of engaged listening, as they develop a greater capacity for empathy and abstract thinking.

Verse 1:
From present to engaged listening, we’ve reached a new height
Effortlessly directed, with interest shining bright
Connecting the speaker’s ideas, with our own experiences and knowledge
Building upon the message, with our unique acknowledgements

Pre-Chorus:
To deepen our engagement, we look for opportunities
To share relevant stories, and insights with clarity
Demonstrating our active participation, in the conversation’s flow
Enriching the exchange, with the seeds we sow

Chorus:
Engaged listening, a level of mastery
By age fifteen or sixteen, we’re ready to be
Fully absorbed in the moment, learning and growing
From the experiences and insights, the speaker is bestowing

Verse 2:
Empathetic listening calls, at level eight
Where emotions and motivations, we strive to appreciate
Putting ourselves in the speaker’s shoes, to understand their view
Acknowledging their feelings, and the journey they’ve been through

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)

Bridge:

From appreciative to transcendent, the pinnacle of our quest
Where patience, gratitude, and unity, manifest
Recognizing the brilliance, in every person and conversation
Embracing the profound connection, and the transformation

(Chorus)

Outro:

So let’s keep practicing, the art of engaged listening
Fully absorbed and interested, our hearts glistening
For when we truly listen, with engagement and care
We create a space for growth, and a bond that’s rare

8. Empathetic Listening

At this level, you not only listen attentively but also seek to understand the underlying emotions and motivations behind the speaker’s words. To further develop your empathetic listening skills, practice putting yourself in the speaker’s shoes and acknowledging their feelings.

TIP: Use phrases like, “I can imagine how that must have felt” or “It sounds like this is really important to you” to show that you are attuned to their emotional state.

For Parents

  • An Example of a Child demonstrating Level 8 Listening:  A teenager listens to a friend who is going through a difficult time, seeking to understand their emotions and offer support.
  • Notes on Age:  By age 16-17, most teenagers should be developing the capacity for empathetic listening, as they mature emotionally and cognitively.

Verse 1:
From engaged to empathetic listening, we’ve reached a new plane
Seeking to understand, the emotions and motives, in every refrain
Putting ourselves in the speaker’s shoes, to feel what they feel
Acknowledging their journey, and the wounds that may heal

Pre-Chorus:
To further develop, our empathetic listening skills
We practice attuning, to the speaker’s emotional thrills
Using phrases like “I can imagine,” or “It sounds like it’s important to you”
Showing that we’re present, and that we hear them through and through

Chorus:
Empathetic listening, a level of emotional maturity
By age sixteen or seventeen, we’re ready to be
Attuned to the feelings, that lie beneath the words
Offering support and understanding, in a world that often hurts

Verse 2:
Appreciative listening beckons, at level nine
Where patience and gratitude, intertwine
Recognizing the value, in every person and conversation
Expressing appreciation, for the insights and revelation

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)

Bridge:

Transcendent listening, the ultimate goal
Where boundaries dissolve, and we feel whole
A profound connection, that transcends the words we say
A shared human experience, that forever stays

(Chorus)

Outro:

So let’s keep practicing, the art of empathetic listening
Attuning to emotions, our hearts glistening
For when we truly listen, with empathy and care
We create a bond of understanding, that’s precious and rare

9. Appreciative Listening

You listen with infinite patience, radiating appreciation and amazement for the speaker, recognizing their humanity and brilliance. To cultivate this level of listening, practice gratitude and look for the inherent value in every person and conversation.

TIP: Express your appreciation for the speaker’s insights, courage, or vulnerability, and let them know how their words have positively impacted you.

For Parents

  • An Example of a person demonstrating Level 9 Listening:  A young adult listens to a diverse range of people, from different backgrounds and perspectives, with an open heart and mind, appreciating the unique insights each person offers.
  • Notes on Age:  By age 18 and beyond, young adults should be cultivating the capacity for appreciative listening, as they develop greater maturity, empathy, and life experience.

Verse 1:
From empathetic to appreciative listening, we’ve grown
With infinite patience, our hearts have shown
Radiating amazement, for the speaker’s humanity
Recognizing their brilliance, and the wisdom they carry

Pre-Chorus:
To cultivate this level, of listening so rare
We practice gratitude, and look for the value there
In every person and conversation, a treasure to behold
Expressing our appreciation, for the stories they’ve told

Chorus:
Appreciative listening, a level of grace
Where we open our hearts, and give each other space
To share our insights, our courage, and vulnerability
Acknowledging the impact, of this shared humanity

Verse 2:
Transcendent listening calls, at the pinnacle of our art
Where boundaries dissolve, and we’re no longer apart
A profound connection, that goes beyond the words
A shared human experience, where our souls are stirred

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)

Bridge:

From ignoring to transcendence, we’ve journeyed far
Through self-absorbed and pre-occupied, we’ve reached for the stars
Split attention and effortful, we’ve learned to let go
Present and engaged, our empathy did grow

(Chorus)

Outro:

So let’s keep practicing, the art of appreciative listening
With gratitude and wonder, our hearts glistening
For when we truly listen, with appreciation and care
We create a bond of unity, that’s precious and rare

10. Transcendent Listening

At this pinnacle of listening, you experience a profound connection with the speaker, where the boundaries between listener and speaker dissolve. To approach this level, focus on the shared human experience and the universal truths that underlie the conversation.

TIP: Embrace the moment of connection and allow yourself to be transformed by the exchange of ideas and emotions.

  • An Example of a Person experiencing Level 10 Listening: Two close friends engage in a heartfelt conversation, experiencing a deep sense of unity and understanding that transcends words.
  • Notes on Age:  Transcendent listening is a rare and profound experience that can occur at any age, but it is more likely to be achieved by emotionally mature adults who have cultivated deep listening skills over time.

Verse 1:
From appreciative to transcendent listening, we’ve arrived
At the pinnacle of connection, where our souls are revived
Boundaries dissolve, and we become one
In this profound moment, where listening has won

Pre-Chorus:
To approach this level, we focus on the core
The shared human experience, that we all explore
The universal truths, that bind us all together
In this sacred space, where listening is the tether

Chorus:
Transcendent listening, the ultimate goal
Where we connect so deeply, it feels like coming home
A profound understanding, that goes beyond the mind
In this state of unity, where love is all we find

Verse 2:
From ignoring to self-absorbed, and pre-occupied too
Split attention and effortful, we’ve journeyed through
Present and engaged, empathetic and appreciative
Each level a stepping stone, to this moment so transformative

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)

Bridge:

In this space of transcendence, we are forever changed
Our hearts are open wide, our perspectives rearranged
We see the world anew, through the eyes of compassion
And listen with a presence, that’s beyond any fashion

(Chorus)

Outro:

So let’s keep striving, for this level so sublime
Transcendent listening, where we leave behind the confines of time
For when we truly listen, with our whole being and soul
We create a connection, that makes us feel whole

Developing active listening skills is a journey that requires patience, practice, and self-awareness. By understanding the different levels of listening and consciously working to progress through them, you can become a more compassionate, understanding, and effective communicator.

At QMAK, we encourage students and families to cultivate these skills, as they not only enhance personal relationships but also contribute to a more harmonious and connected world.

Remember, the key to transcendent listening lies in your willingness to be fully present, empathetic, and appreciative of the person before you.

Suggested Activities for Improving Active Listening

Take the children on a “sound safari” around the house, neighborhood, or a nearby park. Have them close their eyes and focus on the various sounds they hear, from birds chirping to cars passing by. Afterward, discuss the different sounds they noticed and how focusing on listening helped them appreciate their surroundings. This activity promotes mindful, present listening and encourages children to tune into the world around them.
Have one child describe a simple drawing step by step, while the others listen and attempt to recreate the drawing based on the verbal instructions alone. This activity promotes active listening and helps children focus on the speaker’s words without distractions.
In pairs, have one child share a short story while the other listens attentively. The listener then retells the story in their own words, focusing on key details and emotions. The storyteller provides feedback on the accuracy of the retelling. This activity promotes present and engaged listening, as well as empathy.
Create a list of items or information for children to gather by listening to others. For example, “Find someone who has a pet cat” or “Learn about a grandparent’s childhood hobby.” Children must listen attentively to their peers and ask relevant questions to complete the scavenger hunt. This activity encourages present and engaged listening in social interactions.

Have the children sit in a circle. One child starts a story with a single sentence, and each child adds to the story in turn. The key is to listen carefully to what has been said before and continue the narrative logically. This activity promotes engaged listening and encourages children to build upon each other’s ideas.

Read a short story aloud, instructing the children to listen for specific details, such as characters’ names, locations, or key events. After the story, have the children work together to answer questions about the details they were listening for. This activity encourages focused, present listening and helps children practice retaining information.

In pairs, have children discuss a topic they disagree on. After each child speaks, the other must paraphrase what they heard before responding with their own perspective. This activity promotes effortful listening, as children must focus on understanding the other’s viewpoint, even when they disagree.

Have the children work in small groups to create and perform short skits that demonstrate different levels of listening, from ignoring to transcendent listening. After each skit, discuss the listening behaviors portrayed and how they affected the characters and the outcome of the situation. This activity helps children recognize and practice various levels of listening in a fun, engaging way.