Seek Professional Help if Necessary: Supporting Emotional Health While Recognizing Professional Needs

While many childhood emotional challenges can be addressed through supportive parenting strategies, there are times when professional help is beneficial or necessary.

Recognizing when additional support is needed is an important aspect of helping children overcome persistent self-pity and develop emotional resilience.

These activities provide supportive tools that complement professional intervention when needed.

They create a foundation for emotional expression, coping skills, and problem-solving that can support a child’s emotional wellbeing.

However, it’s important to note that these activities are not substitutes for professional help when a child’s emotional struggles significantly impact their daily functioning or happiness.

When to Consider Professional Support

Before exploring the supportive activities, it’s helpful to understand when professional help might be beneficial. Consider reaching out to a child psychologist, counselor, or your pediatrician if your child:

Shows persistent sadness, worry, or self-pity that doesn’t improve with supportive parenting
Experiences significant changes in sleep, appetite, or energy levels
Has difficulty functioning in school or social situations
Expresses hopelessness or worthlessness regularly
Withdraws from previously enjoyed activities
Demonstrates concerning behavioral changes
Has experienced trauma or significant life changes
Expresses thoughts of self-harm (which warrants immediate professional attention)

Professional support can provide specialized assessment, evidence-based interventions, and guidance tailored to your child’s specific needs. Seeking help when needed is a sign of strength and care, not failure.

Supportive Activities

While working with professionals if needed, these activities can help create a supportive home environment that promotes emotional wellbeing and resilience.

1. Feeling Expressions Journal

Purpose: To help children identify, express, and process emotions in a safe, private space while building emotional vocabulary and awareness.

Materials Needed:

Age-appropriate journal or notebook
Art supplies (markers, colored pencils, stickers)
Feeling word list or chart

Magazine pictures (optional)
Glue sticks
Private storage space for the journal
Scheduled time for journaling

Steps:

1. Creating a Personalized Journal:

Make the journal special and inviting:

Let your child choose or decorate their journal:
1. Select a journal that appeals to them
2. Decorate the cover together
3. Add their name and a meaningful title
4. Include an encouraging message inside
Discuss the journal’s purpose:
1. “This is a special place for your feelings and thoughts.”
2. “You can write, draw, or paste pictures about how you feel.”
3. “There are no right or wrong feelings to put in your journal.”
4. “This is your private space, but I’m here to talk if you want to share.”
Create simple journal guidelines:
1. When and where journaling will happen
2. How long journal sessions might last
3. Privacy boundaries you’ll respect
4. Options for sharing if they choose

2. Establishing a Regular Journaling Routine:

Create consistency that builds comfort with emotional expression:

Set a regular journaling schedule:
1. Daily for shorter sessions (5-10 minutes)
2. Several times weekly for longer sessions
3. At consistent times (after school, before bed)
4. In a quiet, private space
Provide journaling prompts for different emotions:
1. “Today I felt… because…”
2. “Something that made me happy/sad/worried today was…”
3. “When I felt [emotion], my body felt like…”
4. “Something I wish others knew about my feelings is…”
5. “If my feeling had a color/shape/weather, it would be…”
Offer various expression methods:
1. Written words for those who enjoy writing
2. Drawing for visual expression
3. Color coding for different emotions
4. Magazine picture collages
5. Emotion faces or symbols
6. Combination approaches

3. Supporting Healthy Emotional Processing:

Guide journaling toward productive emotional understanding:

Encourage balanced expression:
1. Acknowledge all types of emotions
2. Look for positive moments even on hard days
3. Notice emotional patterns and triggers
4. Recognize both challenges and coping strategies
Offer specific techniques for difficult emotions:
1. “Worry bubbles” (drawing worries in bubbles)
2. “Angry scribbles” (expressing anger through vigorous drawing)
3. “Sadness shapes” (giving form to sad feelings)
4. “Hope spotting” (finding small positive moments)
5. “Feeling detectives” (investigating what led to emotions)

4. Discussing Journal Entries Supportively:

Create opportunities for sharing without pressure:

Establish regular check-in options:
1. “Would you like to share anything from your journal today?”
2. “Is there something you wrote or drew that you’d like to talk about?”
3. “I’m here to listen if you want to tell me about your journal.”
When your child shares, respond with:
1. Attentive listening without interruption
2. Validation of feelings (“That makes sense you felt that way”)
3. Open questions (“Can you tell me more about that?”)
4. Empathy (“That sounds really hard”)
5. Appreciation for sharing (“Thank you for telling me”)
Avoid responses that shut down sharing:
1. Dismissing the feeling (“It’s not that bad”)
2. Jumping to fix the problem
3. Comparing to others
4. Minimizing their experience
5. Showing discomfort with their emotions

5. Connecting to Professional Support:

If working with a professional, integrate the journal appropriately:

Discuss the journal with the professional:
1. Ask if and how the journal might complement therapeutic work
2. Inquire about specific prompts that might be helpful
3. Learn how to respond most effectively to concerning entries
With the child’s permission and professional guidance:
1. Share relevant patterns or themes from the journal
2. Bring the journal to sessions if appropriate
3. Use journaling to reinforce skills learned in therapy
Be alert for entries that might need professional attention:
1. Expressions of hopelessness
2. Recurring themes of worthlessness
3. References to self-harm
4. Persistent victimhood narratives
5. Significant fears or worries

Age-Appropriate Adaptations:

For children with limited writing skills: Focus more on drawing and dictation
For children who resist emotional expression: Start with simple emotion faces or colors
For highly verbal children: Provide more complex emotional vocabulary to explore

2. Relaxation and Mindfulness Exercises

Purpose: To develop concrete skills for managing stress, anxiety, and overwhelming emotions while building awareness of mind-body connections.

Materials Needed:

Quiet, comfortable space
Soft music or nature sounds (optional)
Timer or chime
Visual guides for exercises

Breathing buddy (stuffed animal)
Comfort items (blanket, pillow)
Relaxation scripts or audio guides
Practice tracking calendar

Steps:

1. Introducing Relaxation Concepts:

Help your child understand the connection between body, mind, and emotions:

Explain in child-friendly language:
1. “Our bodies and feelings are connected.”
2. “When we feel worried or upset, our bodies get tense.”
3. “These exercises help our bodies relax, which helps our feelings too.”
4. “Just like any skill, the more we practice, the better it works.”
Demonstrate with simple examples:
1. Show the difference between tense and relaxed muscles
2. Breathe fast, then slow, and discuss how each feels
3. Talk about times when they’ve felt relaxed naturally
Create positive associations:
1. Keep sessions short and engaging
2. End before boredom or frustration sets in
3. Focus on how good relaxation feels
4. Avoid using relaxation as punishment or criticism

2. Teaching Foundational Breathing Techniques:

Start with the most basic and versatile relaxation skill:

Introduce belly breathing:
1. Lie down and place a stuffed animal on the belly
2. Watch it rise and fall with each breath
3. Make the animal move higher with deeper breaths
4. Count during breaths to extend exhales
Try visual breathing exercises:
1. “Square breathing” (trace a square, breathing in, hold, out, hold)
2. “Finger breathing” (trace fingers up on inhale, down on exhale)
3. “Balloon breathing” (inflate an imaginary balloon slowly)
4. “Five-finger breathing” (trace hand, breathing along fingers)
Practice at calm times first:
1. Begin when already relatively relaxed
2. Practice briefly several times daily
3. Create playful breathing games
4. Gradually try during mildly stressful moments

3. Exploring Progressive Relaxation:

Teach awareness of tension and relaxation in the body:

Introduce the “tense and release” technique:
1. Tighten a muscle group for 5 seconds
2. Release and notice the difference
3. Move systematically through body parts
4. Use child-friendly images (squeezing lemons, stretching like a cat)
Create a guided relaxation script:
1. Use simple, concrete language
2. Include tension and release of major muscle groups
3. Add imaginative elements for engagement
4. Keep total time appropriate (5-10 minutes for young children)
Adapt for age and attention span:
1. Younger children: Focus on 4-5 major muscle groups
2. Older children: Include more subtle muscle groups
3. Active children: Add gentle movement between groups
4. Sensitive children: Use very gentle tension

4. Practicing Mindfulness Activities:

Develop present-moment awareness through engaging exercises:

Try sensory mindfulness activities:
1. Five senses scavenger hunt (find 5 things to see, 4 to touch, etc.)
2. Mindful eating (noticing taste, texture, smell of a raisin or orange)
3. Sound awareness (listening for distant, middle, and close sounds)
4. Texture exploration (feeling different objects with full attention)
Introduce gentle movement mindfulness:
1. Slow-motion walking or movements
2. Yoga poses with breathing focus
3. “Melting snowman” body awareness
4. Animal movements with attention to body sensations
Practice thought awareness (for older children):
1. Watching thoughts like clouds passing by
2. Imagining thoughts as leaves floating down a stream
3. Noticing “story thoughts” versus “now thoughts”
4. Learning to gently return attention to the present

5. Implementing in Daily Life:

Help your child apply these skills when they’re needed:

Create an accessible “calm down kit”:
1. Visual reminders of favorite techniques
2. Comfort items that aid relaxation
3. Sensory tools (stress ball, soft fabric)
4. Personalized relaxation script or recording
Establish relaxation routines:
1. Brief morning centering exercise
2. After-school decompression practice
3. Bedtime wind-down ritual
4. Pre-stressor preparation (before tests, performances)
Guide application during emotional moments:
1. Recognize early signs of distress
2. Gently remind of relaxation tools
3. Practice together
4. Celebrate successful self-regulation
5. Review what helped after the moment passes

Important Note:

If your child struggles with severe anxiety, trauma responses, or panic attacks, consult with a mental health professional for personalized guidance.

While these techniques are generally helpful, some children may need specialized approaches.

3. Positive Affirmation Routine

Purpose: To counter negative self-talk and self-pity by developing healthier thought patterns and strengthening positive self-perception.

Materials Needed:

List of personalized affirmations
Affirmation cards
Mirror
Affirmation recording device

Visual reminders around the home
Affirmation journal
Calendar for tracking practice

Steps:

1. Understanding Self-Talk and Affirmations:

Help your child understand how thoughts influence feelings:

Explain inner voice concepts:
1. “We all have a voice inside our heads that talks to us.”
2. “Sometimes that voice says helpful, kind things.”
3. “Sometimes it says unhelpful or unkind things.”
4. “We can practice making our inner voice more helpful and kind.”
Identify negative thought patterns together:
1. “I can’t do anything right.”
2. “Nobody likes me.”
3. “Everything always goes wrong for me.”
4. “It’s too hard.”
Explain affirmations in child-friendly terms:
1. “Affirmations are helpful thoughts we practice thinking.”
2. “They’re like exercise for our minds.”
3. “The more we practice them, the stronger they become.”
4. “They help us remember what’s true when we’re feeling down.”

2. Creating Meaningful Personalized Affirmations:

Develop affirmations that address your child’s specific needs:

Focus on these affirmation types:
1. Truth-based statements about worth and capability
2. Growth mindset phrases
3. Coping and resilience statements
4. Positive self-descriptions
5. Gratitude-focused thoughts
Work together to create affirmations that:
1. Feel true and believable to your child
2. Use their own words when possible
3. Address specific negative thoughts they experience
4. Feel comfortable to say out loud
5. Include their name when appropriate
Examples of child-friendly affirmations:
1. “I am learning and growing every day.”
2. “I can handle hard things.”
3. “I am loved just as I am.”
4. “Mistakes help me learn.”
5. “I notice good things around me.”
6. “I can try again when things don’t work out.”

3. Establishing a Regular Affirmation Practice:

Create consistent routines for affirmation use:

Set up daily affirmation times:
1. Morning routine (to start the day positively)
2. Before challenging situations
3. After school or transitions
4. Bedtime routine
Try different affirmation methods:
1. Mirror affirmations (saying while looking in mirror)
2. Card reading or selection
3. Parent-child exchange
4. Audio recording and playback
5. Written journaling
6. Drawing with written affirmations
Start with structure, then allow choice:
1. Begin with 2-3 set affirmations
2. Gradually add more options
3. Let child select daily affirmations
4. Encourage creating new affirmations

4. Making Affirmations Engaging and Effective:

Increase impact through multisensory and playful approaches:

Add physical elements:
1. Pair with deep breathing
2. Add gestures or movements
3. Include gentle touch (hand on heart)
4. Use different vocal tones
5. Create affirmation songs or chants
Connect to concrete experiences:
1. Link affirmations to specific situations
2. Recall times when the affirmation proved true
3. Create examples and stories about the affirmation
4. Look for “evidence” of the affirmation in daily life
5. Create affirmation treasure hunts
Make it playful for younger children:
1. Use puppets to say affirmations
2. Bounce or throw ball while saying affirmations
3. Create affirmation art projects
4. Whisper, then say, then declare affirmations
5. Play affirmation matching games

5. Reinforcing During Difficult Moments:

Help children access affirmations when most needed:

Watch for negative self-talk triggers:
1. Frustration with tasks
2. Social disappointments
3. Mistakes or perceived failures
4. Comparison with others
5. Overwhelm with challenges
Gently redirect to relevant affirmations:
1. “What’s something helpful you could say to yourself right now?”
2. “Let’s remember what we know is true about you.”
3. “Which of your special thoughts might help right now?”
Model your own affirmation use:
1. Share age-appropriate examples of your positive self-talk
2. Demonstrate how you use affirmations when facing challenges
3. Talk about how affirmations help you

Important Consideration:

If your child’s negative self-talk is severe, persistent, or includes expressions of worthlessness or hopelessness, these may be signs of depression or anxiety that warrant professional evaluation.

Affirmations are a helpful support tool but not a replacement for professional help when needed.

4. Problem-Solving Together

Purpose: To develop systematic approaches to challenges that replace self-pity with constructive action and build confidence in handling difficulties.

Materials Needed:

Problem-solving steps visual guide
Problem and solution worksheet
Decision-making tools

Solution testing chart
Reflection journal
Celebration supplies
Scenario cards for practice

Steps:

1. Teaching Basic Problem-Solving Steps:

Introduce a simple framework children can learn and apply:

Create a visual guide with these steps:
1. Name the Problem
2. Think of Solutions
3. Consider Consequences
4. Choose a Solution
5. Try It Out
6. Reflect and Adjust
Explain each step in child-friendly language:
1. “First we need to figure out exactly what the problem is.”
2. “Then we think of lots of possible ways to solve it.”
3. “Next we think about what might happen with each solution.”
4. “Then we pick the best solution to try.”
5. “We try our solution and see how it works.”
6. “Finally, we think about what worked and what to try next time.”
Practice with simple, non-emotional examples first:
1. Lost toy scenarios
2. Scheduling conflicts
3. Minor friendship disagreements
4. Project planning challenges

2. Addressing Emotional Aspects of Problem-Solving:

Help children manage feelings that interfere with solutions:

Acknowledge emotions before problem-solving:
1. “I see you’re feeling really frustrated right now.”
2. “It makes sense you feel disappointed about this.”
3. “Let’s take some deep breaths first, then work on the problem.”
Teach the pause between feeling and action:
1. “When we have big feelings, we can pause before deciding what to do.”
2. “Our first idea when we’re upset isn’t always our best idea.”
3. “Taking a moment helps our thinking brain work better.”
Address self-pity specifically:
1. “It sounds like you’re feeling like things are unfair.”
2. “Instead of staying stuck in the bad feelings, let’s see what we can do.”
3. “You have the power to make this situation better.”
4. “Let’s focus on what you can control or change.”

3. Guiding Collaborative Problem-Solving:

Work through real problems together in a supportive way:

When a problem arises, initiate the process:
1. “It seems like we have a problem to solve together.”
2. “Should we use our problem-solving steps for this?”
3. “Let’s get our problem-solving tools and work on this.”
For the problem definition step:
1. Ask clarifying questions
2. Restate the problem clearly
3. Check that you both agree on what the problem is
4. Focus on specific situations rather than generalizations
For generating solutions:
1. Encourage multiple ideas without evaluating yet
2. Support creativity and unusual suggestions
3. Add your own ideas respectfully
4. Aim for at least 3-5 options
5. Write or draw all ideas
For evaluating and choosing:
1. Consider consequences together
2. Use “If…then…” thinking
3. Rate options together
4. Allow child to make final selection when appropriate
5. Combine solutions when possible

4. Building Independent Problem-Solving Skills:

Gradually transfer responsibility to your child:

Create a progression of support:
1. Initially: Guide through all steps
2. Next: Ask questions to prompt each step
3. Then: Check in at key decision points
4. Eventually: Be available as a consultant
Provide decision-making tools:
1. Pros and cons lists
2. Rating scales (1-5 stars)
3. Solution prediction charts
4. “Is this the best choice?” checklist
Recognize growing independence:
1. Acknowledge when they use steps unprompted
2. Notice improvements in solution quality
3. Celebrate reduced emotional reactivity
4. Point out connections between choices and outcomes

5. Reflecting on Problem-Solving Experiences:

Cement learning through thoughtful review:

After implementing solutions, discuss:
1. “How well did the solution work?”
2. “What went well about our problem-solving?”
3. “What would you do differently next time?”
4. “How do you feel about handling this problem?”
Connect to building resilience:
1. “You just showed that you can handle problems!”
2. “Notice how you moved from feeling stuck to finding a solution.”
3. “Even though it was hard, you figured it out.”
4. “This is how we build our problem-solving muscles.”
Document successful problem-solving:
1. Keep a “Problems Solved” journal
2. Take before and after photos when appropriate
3. Create a visual record of solutions tried
4. Review past successes when facing new challenges

Key Consideration:

While this process works well for everyday challenges, some problems may be too complex or emotionally charged for children to solve, even with support. Problems related to trauma, bullying, serious family issues, or those causing significant distress may require professional guidance.

5. Supportive Storytime

Purpose: To use narrative as a tool for processing emotions, learning coping strategies, and developing perspective through relatable character experiences.

Materials Needed:

Age-appropriate books about emotional challenges
Discussion question cards
Character feeling chart

Story response journal
Drawing supplies
Comfortable reading space
Book collection about various challenges

Steps:

1. Selecting Appropriate Stories:

Choose books that address emotional challenges in age-appropriate ways:

Look for stories featuring:
1. Characters dealing with similar emotions to your child
2. Age-appropriate challenges and resolutions
3. Healthy coping strategies
4. Realistic emotional journeys
5. Positive but not simplistic endings
Evaluate for therapeutic value:
1. Normalizes difficult feelings
2. Shows characters moving through emotions
3. Presents constructive responses to challenges
4. Avoids stereotyping or stigmatizing emotions
5. Contains discussion opportunities
Create a balanced library including books about:
1. Managing specific emotions (anger, sadness, worry)
2. Developing resilience and perseverance
3. Handling disappointment and setbacks
4. Building self-confidence
5. Seeking help and support
6. Finding courage in difficult situations

2. Creating a Supportive Reading Environment:

Set the stage for meaningful engagement with stories:

Establish a comfortable reading space:
1. Quiet area with minimal distractions
2. Comfortable seating
3. Good lighting
4. Cozy elements (pillows, blankets)
5. Regular, unrushed time for reading
Prepare for emotional engagement:
1. Choose times when both you and your child are calm
2. Introduce books without pressuring connections
3. Allow your child to set the pace
4. Be prepared for emotional responses
5. Respect if they need to take breaks
Create a gentle introduction:
1. “I found a story about a character who sometimes feels like you do.”
2. “Would you like to read this book together?”
3. “This is a story about a character who had a problem to solve.”

3. Reading with Emotional Awareness:

Use the reading process itself as a therapeutic tool:

Pay attention to your child’s reactions:
1. Facial expressions
2. Body language
3. Comments or questions
4. Requests to skip parts or re-read sections
Use reading techniques that enhance engagement:
1. Adjust your voice for different emotions
2. Pause at significant moments
3. Ask occasional wondering questions
4. Relate to your child’s experiences when appropriate
5. Use physical closeness for comfort
Allow space for processing:
1. Don’t rush through emotional parts
2. Accept silence when needed
3. Follow your child’s lead on discussion
4. Return to important pages if needed
5. Be willing to re-read books that resonate

4. Facilitating Thoughtful Discussion:

Guide conversations that help your child connect with the story:

Ask open-ended questions about:
1. Character feelings: “How do you think the character felt when…?”
2. Situation understanding: “Why do you think that happened?”
3. Coping strategies: “What did the character do to feel better?”
4. Alternative perspectives: “What else could the character have done?”
5. Personal connections: “Have you ever felt similar to…?”
Use prompts that encourage deeper thinking:
1. “I noticed that the character…”
2. “I wondered why…”
3. “It surprised me when…”
4. “This reminds me of when you…”
Respect your child’s interpretations:
1. Listen without correcting
2. Ask about their reasoning
3. Offer your perspective as an addition, not correction
4. Acknowledge insightful observations

5. Extending the Story's Impact:

Help your child apply story lessons to their own experiences:

Create extension activities:
1. Draw alternative endings
2. Write letters to characters
3. Role-play similar scenarios
4. Create a sequel to the story
5. Make connections to real-life situations
Refer back to stories during relevant situations:
1. “Remember how the character in our story handled this?”
2. “What would [character] do in this situation?”
3. “You’re showing courage just like [character] did.”
Build a personal library of helpful stories:
1. Keep track of books that especially resonated
2. Return to favorite stories during difficult times
3. Create a special shelf for “helping stories”
4. Allow your child to choose stories when they’re struggling

Book Selection Note:

If your child is working with a mental health professional, consider asking for specific book recommendations that might complement therapeutic work.

Some excellent books address specific challenges like anxiety, depression, traumatic experiences, or family changes.

Important Considerations

While these activities provide valuable emotional support, they work best as complements to professional help when significant emotional challenges are present. Signs that additional support may be needed include:

Your child seems stuck in negative patterns despite consistent support
Self-pity or negative self-talk is interfering with daily functioning
Emotional distress is intense or prolonged
Your child expresses feelings of hopelessness
Physical symptoms accompany emotional struggles
School performance or social relationships are significantly affected
You feel overwhelmed by your child’s emotional needs

Remember that seeking professional support is a positive step that demonstrates your commitment to your child’s wellbeing. Many effective treatments are available to help children develop emotional resilience and overcome persistent self-pity.

Resources for Finding Professional Support

If you’re considering professional help, these resources can assist in finding appropriate support:

Your child’s pediatrician
School counselor or psychologist
Local mental health agencies
University psychology departments
Professional therapy directories
Insurance provider mental health listings
Community mental health centers

Before beginning with a new provider, consider:

Their experience with children your child’s age
Their approach to working with children
Their specialties and areas of expertise
How they involve parents in the therapeutic process
Whether their style seems like a good fit for your child

These supportive activities help children develop:

Emotional awareness and expression skills
Healthy coping mechanisms
Problem-solving abilities
Self-regulation techniques
Positive self-talk patterns

While providing these supports at home, remain attentive to signs that additional help may be needed.
The combination of loving parental support and professional guidance when necessary gives children the best foundation for overcoming self-pity and developing emotional resilience.

Next Steps

Choose one activity to begin implementing this week
Pay attention to your child’s response to the activity
Be consistent but flexible in your approach
Trust your instincts about when more support might be needed
Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness

The goal is to provide your child with a toolkit of emotional skills while ensuring they receive all the support they need to thrive.